last hair post, I swear

Friday was Buzz Night, and it couldn't have come sooner.

That morning, two strokes (two!) of a wide tooth comb and you’d think I brushed a Newfoundland for 3 hours. I tried not to look at the waste basket and I tried to wipe up the sink without freaking out and I tried to go about the rest of my day normally, but at about 4PM, out came the heaving sobs and the ceaseless weeping. I mean, I couldn’t get myself together for almost an hour.

I made it to 6PM, the time of our makeshift "buzz bash," if you will. This is where a small group of my ferociously loyal and funny friends gathered for apps and a couple drinks and for ultimately what would be the main event, the buzz.

After I finished demolishing my last buffalo chicken dipped chip around 9PM, I sighed and said, "Okay, let’s get this done with."

Maura busted out her clippers, the girls dragged around chairs, and next thing I know we’re discussing Anna’s husband’s hair in relation to my own.

“What Is yours - like a 6? An 8?" Maura asked poor Kris, after he made the mistake  of leaving his hiding place (the TV room) for two seconds. While they talked barber shop, I shifted around on the chair avoiding the small mirror beside me on the table. I pictured myself at the hairdresser in my past life (or three months ago, same thing).

“Three inches off - just to clean it up,” I would say to my ever-changing hairdressers in the mirror (I move a lot). Then I'd tell her to watch out for my head mole, a warning she'd promptly forget. I'd grin and bear her nicking her comb on my the head mole but I would not stand for over-snippage. With my hand up in warning I'd say, "You're not cutting more than 3 inches, right?!" as if another inch or two represented some kind of tragic loss. 

Anyhooters, we decided on a length, but not before Maura carved out a temporary mohawk. My friends oohed and ahhed and told me I looked great - they’d tell me I looked great if I had an arm growing out of my head - but it helped, and I think I did look pretty badass. I couldn't keep it, much to their dismay because that, too, would fall right out of my damn head.

The end result, something between a pixie and a buzz cut, didn’t look so bad and my head felt free. A few weirdo wigs were passed around afterwards (Lily even tried one on, see above) - and the night, overall, was a success. I'm so thankful for each one of my friends, and especially on this day for Maura. Just two years ago she was styling my wedding hair, and here she was again - in shittier circumstances, sure.

I’ll get weepy again thinking of how kind they all were to do this for me, how kind so many people have been to me throughout this. (Like, how in the middle of my crying fit I had Beth go out and buy me underwear because I told her, wailing, "I for-got- [hiccup] to pack sommmme" - and minutes later she shows up with a three-pack from Marshalls and tosses it to me with a smile like it's a pack of gum.)

Saturday/into Sunday, I had that cute buzz/pixie - until it thinned and got patchy. It went from cute, to 'wonder-whats-wrong-with-that-balding-girl' very fast.



​So, today is day 1 with the wig and I’m at work and it looks like my real hair. Well, my hair two months ago. There’s no easy way to explain to Bill in the Buying Department, I guess, how my hair magically grew 10 inches overnight, but what the hell. It's fine. It's not ideal, none of this is. But it's fine, and it will be fine.

As my mother so nicely said in an email the other day, "Now is the time to start being thankful that you don't live in Sub-Saharan African and your meals don't consist partly of mud. Literally. Remember. This too shall pass."

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