Now that the hair's growing back, it seems to be giving a lot of people license to finally comment on it. I was quite clearly hiding behind my wig for all that time, and then under hats, and now I've emerged and I can't tell you how many people love to talk about so and so they know's sister whose hair came in so curly! It was wild? Do you think your hair will come in curly? I think I see a wave! What do you think? Isn't that wild?
It's not even the question, or the topic, that bothers me. It's the oooh, finally I can relate to this, and oooooh, she must be happy to have her hair growing back at all, she must just be happy with that! Like I finally got thrown a bone or something. Actually, as I write this, I don't know why the hell this topic (curly regrowth? What even is the topic?) bothers me so much, why this talking point makes me want to run far, far away from the person talking to me.
Maybe it's the type of people who suddenly say it? Coworkers who averted their eyes for so long, and only now smile widely at me? Maybe it's that I don't feel completely past it: suddenly looking at age 30 like a creature who desperately needed sun, watching night after night, morning after morning, for any sign of dark stub growing back, millimeter by millimeter, rubbing my palms over the surface of it, stuffing the godawful wigs back into their godawful boxes after waiting for months and months and months to feel presentable, until I'm brave enough to let it loose without a head covering of some sort....................................................finally reaching a semblance of comfort with it all, finally getting past it, finally feeling like an almost normal person....
"You know so my sister's cousins' aunt's hair came back all dry and curly and gray! Isn't that a laugh riot? She was mortified! And yours looks like it's getting curly, too!!"
There's nothing even wrong with these statements. Nothing. I feel awful rehashing it. But it's cutting at something deep inside of me, and it's bothering the shit out of me. I already feel bad if someone reads this and has said something along these lines to me. I almost want to delete everything. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
But um, with that said - my hair's going to be straight, like it was before. I'm going to look like I did before. Someday. Got it?