Mustard Stains
  • Blog
  • About
    • My Book
    • Breast Cancer Resources >
      • Surgery Decisions
      • Taxol Side Effects | Chemotherapy
      • Helpful Products

Highs & Lows

8/16/2016

7 Comments

 
The last couple weeks have wrought the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. My lady Pam has an earful coming her way this Thursday when I sit down on her lumpy futon and purge.

In the course of one week:
​

We moved into our new home in 100 degree heat and humidity, marveling at our quiet and quaint neighborhood and having our own kitchen.

I casually mention to my doctor, "My face is numb, is that bad?" To which he essentially said, "Yes, that is very bad, let’s reevaluate this last chemo treatment and push that puppy off one more week." I had to look at my friends and family who'd come to celebrate the end and say, "Sorry guys, thanks for coming, but not today."


I walked around barefoot at the house, my heart flooding with pride and happiness at owning our own little corner of this world. Then I made the mistake of peeking at my calendar, at the MRI appointment, where on Thursday I’ll be lying face down in a thwacking tube with my boobs plopped into two circular holes to see about this little thing called cancer in my chest, that is hopefully no where else. Mood: killed.

More: I'm buying a welcome mat at Target while leaving a message at my oncologist. I'm explaining to my coworkers that - just kidding - no, I’m not done with my Phase 1 treatment. I"m struggling to focus on their faces as they ask me questions because I’m having an anxiety attack. The scope, the range of all this I am struggling to put into words.

I can say that this joy I’m experiencing has been the most welcome of distractions, and without it I’d be plaguing over every slight headache and poking my face with my fingers and I’d be up, awake, worrying, Googling.

I'm happy and I’m also scared. But the happiness mostly wins out, and for that I am thankful.

​Praying for some finality of this phase; praying for good news, and praying for definitive answers on next steps to rid me, and my sweater puppies, of this awful disease. 
7 Comments
Mom
8/16/2016 09:58:54 pm

Grab all the joy you can, wherever you can.Know you are loved.
Mom

Reply
Nicole
8/19/2016 09:44:29 am

Thanks, Mom, love you too

Reply
Regina Legge
8/18/2016 08:47:30 pm

I've been thinking about you. Stay strong and I'm sending good thoughts.

Reply
Nikki
8/19/2016 09:45:11 am

Thank you Gina <3 Hope married life is treating you well (or, it's the exact same as before, as I had found, haha)

Reply
Liz K
8/19/2016 08:57:39 am

Reply
Liz K
8/19/2016 08:59:45 am

Love you And always thinking amazing thoughts and prayers for you, my little rum buddy xoxo

Ps. I hit post comment too early, so I shall respond in my non existing comment. Awkward and hopefully gave you a laugh as I'm imagining

Reply
Nikki
8/19/2016 09:45:51 am

Correct, you DID make me laugh, my Rum-stafarian Sister!! Thank you, XOXO




Leave a Reply.


    ​Author

    A writer (and teacher), I mostly come here to write about the aftermath of having cancer. And knock on wood about that "aftermath" part. That whole mess started at this post: Sweater Puppies. 

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    August 2020
    October 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    November 2018
    September 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    January 2014
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • About
    • My Book
    • Breast Cancer Resources >
      • Surgery Decisions
      • Taxol Side Effects | Chemotherapy
      • Helpful Products